Posts Tagged ‘Sharon Osbourne’

Americas Got Talent surprisingly lets the incredible Acro-Dunk go back to Houston.

America's Got Talent surprisingly lets the incredible Acro-Dunk go back to Houston.

America’s Got Talent people — What were you thinking? You sent Acro-Dunk home??

Acro-Dunk kicked ass every millisecond they were onstage. Just incredible stuff.

Not that Voices of Glory wasn’t excellent — they’re amazing. And the Fab Five was alright. They were good.

But nobody’s been anything — AN-Y-THING — like Acro-Dunk, least of all in their semi-finals performance. Which culminated in an astounding multiple-flip-through-a-flaming-hoop dunk.

Oh, did I mention that the basketball hoop was on fire? So there was that, too.

Holy cannoli, spiccoli.

Now two of my favorite acts — that Indian dance group, who were stunning, and Acro-Dunk — are gone.

In my mind it’s down to Grandma Lee and Kevin Skinner. Either one would make a great story. The 75-year-old standup comic and the Louisiana ex-chicken catcher.

You couldn’t write this stuff.

I’m pissed about Acro-Dunk, though. Especially considering how it went down. The final three were Acro-Dunk, The Voices of Glory and The Fab Five, and then AD was sent home leaving the judges to select one of the remaining two.

They decided to throw the rules out and send both of them through. Cool, cool, good for both of them, but WHAT ABOUT THE BEST ACT OF THE WHOLE SHOW?

(In case I was unclear before, that would be Acro-Dunk)

I’ll never watch the show again. Not until it’s on next week. Those bastards.


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I have to admit it.

I didn’t want to like it.

But America’s Got Talent drew me in.

Maybe it’s the Hoff, so cartoonish and predictable, but so in on the joke that it doesn’t matter. The other day, because they were in Texas, Hasselhoff came out — in slow motion, mind you — dressed to the nines in a cowboy outfit. Spurs and everything.

His judging is often suspect. Not that it matters, since Sharon and Piers are much more no-nonsense. But say someone goes up and is only moderately good. If that someone is an attractive girl, the Hoff is sold. This is more so if it’s a group of cute girls or twins/ triplets.

The contestants have frequent and highly entertaining failures, too. Recently a man came out dressed in what looked to be ninja gear, including the hood. He looked to be a very unlikely ninja, though, with the ninja outfit not at all concealing his out of shape body. He goes out, announces that he’s just discovered his talent recently and says that that talent is dancing. TOE DANCING. He lays on the floor and sticks his right big toe through this box to provide it with a stage and put a little afro wig on it. The ‘dancing was’ his toe wiggling, I shit you not. He had two problems besides the obvious. First, — and I never expected I would ever write this sentence — the wig kept falling off of his toe. This led directly to the second problem, which was his constantly sitting up to fix the wig and obstructing everyone’s view of his toe.

He was rendered into a man in black pajamas sitting onstage with his back to the audience fidgeting with his toe. I guess that’s not really much of a drop from being a man in black pajamas laying flat on the floor and wiggling his be-wigged toe, which was his intention, so perhaps it was a wash.

Host Nick Cannon is great fun as well, commenting hilariously at times and being totally down-to-earh and cool. Host-y without being too host-y.

But as entertaining stuff like that is, I think the thing that really makes America’s Got Talent fun is the awesomeness of moments like this.

With that, I propose the America’s Got Talent Drinking Game. Drink whenever you hear the following:

• “You are what this show is ALL ABOUT!”

• “You’re an INSPIRATION.” (including variants)

• “You’re the BEST ACT WE’VE SEEN!” (including variants)

• “You SCHOCKED us!”

What else? Add to this to make this the best America’s Got Talent drinking game EVER!!

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