I just returned from another trip to NYC, and I’m happy to report that the city has once again provided (totally self-indulgent) fodder for TLOS. I was going to call this post “Hipster Trends that Need to Die” but I didn’t want to limit it to just one subculture. In any case, these trends have started infiltrating the general population and I wanted to create a universal call to arms. Thus: Trends That Need to Die.
I get it. I GET it. It’s cute, it has vintage appeal, it’s a hat. Hats can be cool. But when you look around at a party and realize that everyone is wearing that same quirky hat, doesn’t it make you feel strange, and somewhat disappointed by how predictable you’ve become? Jesus – I only just started writing this post and already I’ve realized that I could just copy/paste this paragraph and replace the word “hat” with whatever else I’m yammering about. Anyway. Down with fedoras, OK?
2. Ironic facial hair of any variety, up to and including mustaches.
I am not the first person to complain about this, and I’m not going to be the last. Just stop it.
Sheer leggings are NOT PANTS. They were never pants. The leggings that we all remember fondly from the late 80’s/early 90’s were made of a sturdy cotton/spandex blend and were meant to be worn with ugly, oversize sweaters that depicted kittens or holiday paraphernalia. I’m fairly certain that every time a girl puts on leggings and pretends they’re pants, God kills a sweater kitten. So don’t.
4. Jumpsuits and their insidious cousin, the romper.
How could this even happen? How can people prance around Brooklyn wearing them as if it’s normal? And how the hell do you pee at a party, or in any situation ever?
5. Purposeful ugliness.
This is the first picture that came up when I Google image-searched “purposeful ugliness.” I don’t really feel like digging through the layers of symbolism presented by this image, but I’m pretty sure I saw someone wearing this T-shirt ironically over the weekend.
The purposeful ugliness trend is the most mysterious trend of all. I understand wearing something misguided because it’s all over the sartorial blogs. I understand that maybe Justin Timberlake looked cute wearing a fedora for a few minutes. I understand that sometimes jumpsuits (and their insidious cousins, rompers) look marginally alright on certain emaciated individuals. But I do not understand affected ugliness. Bad haircuts. Gross sneakers. Not bathing. Ignoring basic hygiene. I suppose every generation has a grimy subculture for us clean folks to sneer at – beatniks, hippies, 90s grunge – but this is so conscious. How did ironic rejection of self-care become a Thing? And more importantly, when will it go away?
Alright, enough bitching. In honor of the Bible quote above, I’m going to praise what’s true and noble and offer up three trends that I’m OK with, mainly because I have successfully co-opted them for my own purposes:
1. Ray Bans
2. Skinny jeans
3. American Apparel hoodies
I couldn’t find any pictures of these without douchey looking humans attached, but let’s be honest – you all know what they look like.